Time . . . as we understand it, is an inexorable, linear march towards a mysterious, unknown future and we mortals haven’t the power to alter it. We don’t! There’s no magic DeLorean time machine waiting in the driveway to whisk us ‘Back to the Future.’ No ‘speed up’ or ‘slow down’ either, just the relentless ‘tik tok’ as the hands on the clock tick away at our life, and that’s not an altogether comfortable feeling. This is especially so the older one gets and like it or not I’m getting older, and life is changing.
And my relationship with time is changing as well; I have more of it, but also less. There are no kids at home, no work to drag my ass out of bed for, no schedule to lock me in; I have all the time in the World, except I don’t. The average life expectancy of a Canadian male is 80.9 years (it’s like 85 for women) so if I am average I have lived 71.2 % of my life already. It is a paradox of cruelty in which I cannot escape. Oh and it gets worse too, because my perception of time has also changed.
I think it’s speeding up on me. It’s not, of course it’s not, because we all know that time can’t speed up, right, but here’s where it gets all fucked up . . . my brain thinks it can, and an MIT study says there is a very good reason for this. Our brain is complex, and it measures time not only on a straight line but also through experiences and activities, taking snapshots to collect moments as they come to us. Growing up and even well into our 20’s we gobble up new experiences daily, sometimes hourly, and as our brain takes snapshots of these moments our perception of time changes; the more snapshots the brain takes, the slower we perceive time to be. Make sense? Routine though takes over as we get older because God knows we love our routines, right? And . . . as we get settled into life we experience less and less that is new with fewer moments or experiences popping up; there is less in our ‘mind’s eye’ to slow that shit down, leading to the allusion of time speeding up. Also, as we age the sense of our inevitable demise becomes more pronounced, making time more valuable because there is less of it left. And . . . to quote Ernest Hemingway after fellow writers Ford Maddox Ford and F. Scott Fitzgerald died, “Men are dying this year that never died before.” Yeah well women are dying too, and this year is every year now, isn’t it?
So like that’s pretty heavy, man! Whatever shall we do? Well, the MIT study suggests the obvious – approach each day as if you are experiencing it for the first time — ‘shoshin’ (the beginners mind). Be open, curious, eager, try something new. Make more moments. And you know what else? Those new moments we make, we need to make them with others, we need to make new moments with our friends.
Last September I met up with Anton, Coach and Dekes (their nicknames if you are wondering) for a late afternoon round of golf. 50 years, that’s how long we’ve known each other, 50 years. Hockey, baseball, school dances, drunken bush parties, roommates, you name it, we did it together, watching each other grow into adulthood. But then life happened and well, everybody went off and did what needed doing. Next thing you know it’s 9 years since I saw Anton and closer to 15 for Coach and Dekes. Time got away on me, it sped up, or maybe I let it speed up and get away on me, but I was kind of busy and yeah, I didn’t have time. But . . . this time we made time, and yeah we had a damn good time, just 4 old Coleman boys talking shit and having a laugh . . . like no time had passed.
Now here’s the cool part . . . driving home that evening I felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t felt in a long while, an inner calm I didn’t realize I was missing, and all because I got together with 3 old friends for a round of golf. Friends do that for you though, don’t they? They make your life better, richer, happier, and all they have to do is be present. Why? Again – science. When you are hanging out with friends your body releases Oxytocin and Dopamine – which are basically ‘feel good’ hormones promoting exploration, motivation, attachment, trust and social bonding. Yeah, we all need more of this!
And we pretty much need it right now, because we are running out of time lol. But I’m going to make more time, and the way I’ll do that is hang out with my friends. I’ll live longer, be happier and so will they. Science (again) has shown this (look it up); having a strong friendship network is more crucial to your long-term longevity and general well-being than any other healthy lifestyle choice, for real, so Fuck You Peloton!!
Except now I have to find those friends again, or they me, or something like that, and that’s not so easy anymore. We’ve moved on and life is different now, more complex, as are we as individuals. And I don’t care . . . I miss my friends!! I’m not Ethan Edwards (the John Wayne character in the 1956 movie “The Searchers”), destined to walk the desert alone. I think maybe it’s time to come in from the desert to re-engage, re-establish and polish up those rusty links to friendships not forgotten but sorely neglected.
I’d be remiss though if I didn’t also mention new friends, because they are just as important as old friends. As we get older, making new friends isn’t as easy, friendship circles are relatively closed and breaking into those circles can present difficulties, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try, and by try I mean being open and available to these potential new bonds. New friends teach us new things, expose us to new experiences, provide new snapshots and that’s right, slowdown that freight train of time; it’s a win-win for everyone. Presently I have a little time, time to be present for old friends and new friends alike, and in 2026 I’m going to make the most of this time, with you, my friends. See you soon amigos y amigas!