The Official Travel Journal
APRIL 25, 2022
These majestic mountains in Southwest Montana, the Lima Peaks, are well over 10,000 feet in elevation and provided us intrepid travellers a first glimpse of what was to come on our maiden mission through America’s often still very wild and untamed West. You are more likely to see a pronghorn antelope than a person out here in this high desert, sagebrush country and there are probably more than a few of you reading this that will agree with me when I say “ Thank God for that! ” We did not however stay here this first night of our journey. No, we rolled on through and down to Idaho Falls, Idaho, to a Walmart parking lot.
It’s called boondocking, for you un-initiated in the “van life” terminology, and it’s where one pulls up and basically crashes for the night. It’s a spartan, relatively efficient and cost-effective way to camp but sketchy as all Hell for a small-town boy like me. Obviously, there is a criminal element wandering the streets of these strange cities waiting to pounce on unsuspecting travelers like ourselves so there was NO way I was going to be sleeping tonight; On Guard you brave and most noble of knights! Yeah well, I fell asleep in under 2 minutes and kept Max awake because I snored like a freight train, so we had a big fail where safeguarding the wagon was concerned. Better get a Starbucks, think about that for a moment, but only a brief one, because we must saddle up. Utah awaits!
APRIL 26, 2022
Can anyone make coffee anymore? No seriously. We stopped today at Fort Hall to re-fuel the van and re-load with coffee. I filled my YETI for 49 cents. I was quite excited by this, until I took a sip of the hot, black liquid. Not great, not great at all, but I drank it and complained for the next hour.
Who’s driven the I-15 through Salt Lake City? Oh My God!!! This van can rip, which is good, because I felt like I was in the Daytona 500, hauling ass through this city at 85 mph. I might have been a little terrified.
At Spanish Fork, just South of Provo, we stopped for fuel, a sandwich and yes of course coffee, before heading into the desert for our next destination – Moab. Fuck me, can anyone make a decent cup of coffee anymore?
Moab is well, unbelievable. That’s Bodhi Boy posing in the morning sun. Why not eh? This place is an adult wonderland of adventure. Tonight was a big deal, our first time hooking up to shore power and water. Nailed it too, and damn proud. This place was also our first look at the world of RV campsites. It’s going to be a tough act to follow because this place is pretty nice.
Temperature in Moab? 27C (around 81F)
APRIL 27, 2022
Tonight I write from Flagstaff, Arizona, which is a beautiful town in it’s own right, 7,000 feet up in elevation and looking very much like the East Kootenay Trench. It’s cold up here and other campers have little fires going to keep the chill away. We have no fire so sit in the van with the heat on, reflecting on what is one of the most amazing days ever.
The drive from Moab to Flagstaff is quite simply jaw dropping, it’s a John Ford / John Wayne Western. Monument Valley – there are no words. This place is on Navajo Tribal Lands so there is very little development. It is holy in a John Muir – Nature as a Cathedral – sense and yes that sounds very new age hippie, especially for me, but man I have no words for this place. Tomorrow we go the Grand Canyon. I wonder if it can top what we just drove through.
APRIL 28, 2022
If you want a true appreciation of this wonder of Nature, go down in there and stay a bit. Doing a shuffle along the rim while jostling with the other tourists for the perfect selfle is not the respectable way to take in the Grand Canyon. That is however, what we did today. Couldn’t be helped, we are on a schedule you know.
My impression of everything here? It’s a giant, fucking hole in the ground. We were trying to take it all in but there were soooo many people, and it was hot, and Bodhi was chasing the tiny lizards around when not being over stimulated by the other dogs, and kids, and squirrels. Too much man, too much. The walk over from our camp spot was almost an hour and that was just as pleasant or more so. We just want a little peace and quiet.
APRIL 30, 2022
It’s hot, like really fucking hot, 38C HOT!!! It’s Blythe, California on the banks of the Colorado River.
Bodhi is a poser, we all know that!
Camp tonight is The Cove RV Resort. This place isn’t bad. We have full service, good wifi, some palm trees and a little grass. Oh, and some nasty little bastard bugs who take great delight in chewing up us partially thawed Canadians. The A/C was used for the first time today, out of shear necessity. I didn’t even know how to turn it on but I did something that worked, the van is cool.
It’s quite interesting to sit and observe the comings and goings of these parks, they have their own rhythm, don’t they? There is a couple from a trailer down at the end who are just driving around and around and around, smashing cocktails and looking for someone to talk to, or drink with. Don’t come around me, I am not friendly and occasionally bite. It would serve me much better in this world if I were not such an irascible bastard and I will try to be more socially amicable, but I am tired. Let’s be nice tomorrow.
At 9 pm it’s still 30C, at home it’s been snowing. I do find myself questioning why we live where we do.
Tomorrow will be our 7th day on the road and wow have we seen some shit. We are a long ways from home. It’s pretty cool though, what we are doing. A couple of generations ago, this would be considered a trip of a lifetime, never to be repeated. I think about how lucky we are to be able to do what we are doing, especially because I know that if we choose, we can do this two or three more times this year alone. I also wonder why the fuck I didn’t live blog this trip. I know eh, that would have been so cool. Next time there sports fans, I am on it.
MAY 1, 2022
Palm Springs / Joshua Tree KOA. It’s 30C again! When we got to this camp spot, Max took Bodhi over to the dog park. He misbehaved a bit, trying to hump a fat dog named Cooper who’s from Florida. Very inappropriate I know, but we are in Palm Springs so hey, he’s just trying to get into the swing of things.
That is not the Sahara. The people in the picture have no idea that they are now in a blog post of World Famous Grumpymarty; they are just doing a photo shoot so we took a photo of them taking photos of themselves. So anyways, what you are looking at are the North Algodones Dunes. I know, very cool, but not why we came down here.
Bombay Beach, oh yeah! Heard of it? Back in the 50’s, this place along the East side of the Salton Sea was pretty hip hop happening, attracting nearly half a million visitors annually, for fishing, boating, boozing, gambling, prostitution, whatever floated your boat. Note: I have no idea about the prostitution, I just threw that in there, but you never know what went on, right? Anyways, the sea started to dry up, the remaining water became increasingly saline, killing the fish and chasing the townsfolk away as a small ecological disaster took place. People came back though, sort of. It’s a weird place, lots of single wide trailers, why the fuck are there so many single wide trailers? Why are half of them burnt out?
What the fuck is this? Well, actually those are tv’s. Yup, the hippies and artists have moved in, making for a very weird vibe. Urban explorers, film makers and tourists flock here to see this little piece of Americana.
We still had to get to Palm Springs though so Northward we went. I might have been a little terrified driving the I-15 in Salt Lake City, I was full on scared out of my mind driving the I-10 going into LA, so much so that we had to figure an alternate route for the next day because there was no way I was driving Anthony into Los Angeles.
MAY 3, 2022
Petaluma, California and it’s not so hot anymore. Further inland it hit 29C but here in the campground it’s a comfortable 21C. As we move North it will only get colder. Today’s drive from Lost Hills California to here was again, slightly fucking mental. Most of our drive was on the I-5 going up the gut of the state. The right lane was semi tractor trailers and the left lane, the fast lane, was for the rest of us, and we drove fast. That’s right, scared shitless again and driving like a maniac, just to keep up with the traffic. Oh, and the whole way up the highway today – wind warnings – that’s just great eh? Let’s drive 85-90 mph in an oversized van and have the wind shake the living bejeezus out of us.
That’s me writing, Bodhi posing!
MAY 4, 2022
If there is one thing that I can continually rely on, yes, fully wait for and with 100% certainty know it is coming, it is this – each and every day on this trip I will be humbled in some way, shape or form..
Today we started out in California wine country and moved through farm and ranch lands before driving into groves of redwoods that blocked out the sun. Highway 101 wound in and around these majestic giants and if you slowed down you could literally touch them as you drove by. Yeah, you are that close. I very much wanted to see these trees and if anything, they are more beautiful live and in colour.
Pretty Boy doing his thing, Crescent City, California.
Is Vanlife what we expected? Hell yeah, and all good too. Every day is a rolling picture show of AMAZING and it isn’t work either.
MAY 5, 2022
It’s 10C here in Newport, Oregon, the wind is blowing and its raining sideways. The mighty Pacific is a raging mass of mayhem. Waves crash, foam flies! Above, fog floats along the tree tops threatening to engulf everything in a lonesome shroud of mystery. The Oregon Coast is beautiful.
Okay, so for this one I am posing too!
How cool is this one? Bodhi just had to show his shit as we walked to the beach from our camp area!
MAY 6, 2022
Here’s something I bet that you didn’t know – some of the best Mexican food you’ll ever find is in Oregon. Yeah man, the real deal, autentico! We stopped by at Venny’s Cafe in Florence, Oregon – best chimichanga’s ever!
It’s Day 12 on the road. It’s been raining and miserable most of the day. Everything smells of campfire smoke because someone (meaning me) insisted on having a fire last night. Bodhi smells of wet dog because, well, he’s a wet dog.
While driving through Lincoln City we discovered an Outlet Mall – fuck yeah!!! We bought some stuff!
Evening found us at the Blue Heron French Cheese Company in Tillamook,Oregon. It’s a Harvest Host Site and if we were not in a monsoon this place would be super awesome. It was Friday night so there was a live band playing in the store, taco night because why the Hell not have taco night, there was a candy store and there was Tillamook cheese, which I have discovered is rather famous.
MAY 7, 2022
Today we are driving through Portland on our way to Pendleton, Oregon. The first part of the drive is windy and up and down, gorgeous coastal rainforest. Portland is ugly! Sorry, I know that we only see a certain part while driving through and like most cities, Portland I am sure has it’s beautiful areas. I just didn’t see them. Then you see all the crazy shit on television about the lawlessness and yeah, sorry, not impressed. Outside of the city it is very cool and as you get out there, it looks like Ireland. I think it looks like Ireland because, you know, I have never actually been to Ireland, yet!
Pendleton, Oregon is flat out cool! That up above is the original Pendleton store.
World famous rodeo too! Let er Buck? you’ve heard that one I am sure? it’s associated with the whiskey and the Round Up and if you see it used somewhere else, it could be copyright infringement .
This place was not what I had expected. I thought rainforest, large trees, just like the coast. How did I not know that this was cowboy country, rolling hills and farmer’s fields? A pleasant surprise to be sure.
MAY 8, 2022
Today we stopped into Newman Lake, Washington to see Mr and Mrs Terriff. It had been far too long my friend.
Of course we are still bad ass, just not getting stuck up the Sartoris in the middle of winter anymore!
MAY 9, 2022
We made it home to Hurricane Abbey. There was some concern over the weather (a massive snow storm had been forecast) but it was a fairly uneventful end to our trip. Roads were good all the way!
Thought of showering but I DID shower in Pendleton so I shouldn’t stink that bad.
Hey, I managed to stay under 200 lbs, barely, 198 is NOT 200!
Fuck this was FUN!!!!