THE GRUMPY CHRONICLES – Operation Ren-eh-ssance!!!

It’s simply unacceptable! I won’t have IT. I never had IT before and was perfectly happy, but in the last few years through the most insidious of ways I might add, IT has crept in and now believes wholeheartedly that IT has a right to sharing my life with me. Like any unwelcome squatter or houseguest, getting rid of IT will not be easy; there will be a war and as with all wars, one can expect a fair amount of misery and pain. There will be sacrifice and quite possibly tears but in the end, IT must leave. One major problem is that I can’t kill IT because IT has no soul. I can only force IT to piss off and then be ever-vigilant, because IT will return; this evil and pernicious agglomeration cannot stay away for long and I have come to expect that from now till the end of my time here on Earth, IT and I will be enemies. IT is my gut! 

Can I win this war? I don’t know, probably not. I am swimming upstream in the river we call life and eventually the current will be too strong and sweep me away. I will battle though, for as long as there is a breath in me, and will take pleasure in thumbing my nose at you Father Time, and kicking you in the balls IT, and hey PELOTON – FUCK YOU (I just had to say that). 

Looks like it is time to venture back into the weight room. So far, so good – there are no injuries to report and we are now two weeks in. Operation Winter Ren-eh-ssance has begun! And fitness, dear readers, is only one part of the plan.

Allow me to introduce you to Uomo Universale – Universal Man or you guessed it, Renaissance Man. Now let’s not get caught up in semantics here, replace “man” with “woman” and you get the same thing. Recently the actor Ryan Reynolds did just that when he called his wife, the actress Blake Lively, a Renaissance Woman. High praise indeed but why? What did he mean when he called her that? I can tell you this – I want to be that person. Maybe I already am, maybe so are you. Why don’t we find out what he was speaking of?

This idea originated in Italy some 600 years ago and can be best put forth by one of it’s most accomplished representatives, Leon Battista Alberti, when he said “a man can do all things if he will.” That’s powerful shit, eh? And you thought history was boring. This concept came up when human beings were considered the center of the Universe and it was believed that our capacity for development was limitless. Well, we now know that we are pretty much the center of “fuck all” but hey, we do have capacity for development, don’t we? So, what’s stopping us, and why not now? Come on, let’s rock Operation Winter Ren-eh-ssance (I changed the spelling because I can and well, I’m Canadian eh).

Today’s 21^st Century Ren-eh-ssance Dude or Dudette shuns hyper-specialization. It kind of goes against the motto – being all things if you will. That’s right, fuck that – we rebels are going to do it all, mind and body, a holistic re-definition of this epic journey we call LIFE! Are you ready? Of course you are, you were born ready. 

We shall take an integrated approach to the training of the body which means fun stuff like pumping iron, and the not fun stuff like cardio. Seriously, how does anyone get off on this cardio crap; no matter how you slice it, it fucking sucks! I am trying but Oh My God, it’s just pure torture. Oh, and brace yourself now, Grumpymarty is getting down on yoga. Okay, easy now, we are doing some yoga-like moves. We are taking BABY STEPS here people. If you thought I was having problems with cardio, well yeah, this yoga shit is a whole different universe. And nooooo, I don’t have Lulu Lemons. Seriously, nobody wants to see that walking down the street, EVER. And for future reference – if you are a man then wear Under Armour, Adidas, Nike, whatever… if you wear Lulu Lemon and you are male, we cannot be friends. That shit is not made for you, don’t put it on. Back to this yoga thing though: it’s HARD, like REALLY HARD! Make fun of Namaste all you want but trust me fellas, get down on the mat and you WILL be humbled. I am okay with a little humility because I need range of motion which is of great importance when smashing golf balls 350.

Because yes, Ren-eh-ssance Dudes and Dudettes are proficient at sport and if you are not, who fucking cares. Get out there and do it; it’s fun, it’s good for you and at the very least you will gain an appreciation for those doing it at an exceptional level. And if you are beginning a new sport, good on you because we Ren-eh-ssance Dudes and Dudettes are not afraid to fail; it’s part of the learning process. We will succeed  – in participation, and that’s good enough for now – remember, this is a lifetime journey. If you are wondering what sport I will be participating in, well I may get back into hockey but I have to build up my endurance to a point where I can make more than one rush up ice without collapsing into a heap of jello (yeah, that fucking cardio thing). 

Know what else we are? Epistemophiles – we have a love of knowledge and we will continue to seek it out – through movies, lectures, documentaries, etc. I am pretty sure “Yellowstone” is considered historical / socio-anthropological fiction so you if you are into this series on Amazon Prime – congratulations! This counts!!! Or maybe read a book. Trust me, it won’t burn your fingers, or learn a new language (I will again attempt to learn Spanish this winter). FYI: rock concerts count as well – go headbang your asses off – it’s a great stress release!

What about art? Well, art can be many things which include, if we are really stretching the definition, to include me writing this blog. So I am an artist, based on MY definition lol but hey, it can be anything, can’t it? Go to an art gallery, watch live theater, take a sketching class, go to a heavy metal concert (country music shit does not count),whatever; Operation Winter Ren-eh-ssance is all about “the try.”

One last thing before I sign off – do not be intimidated. True polymaths such as Leonardo Da Vinci or Nikola Tesla are rare indeed so don’t compare yourself to them. Be you, and that’s good enough!

ROCK ON!!!