FEBRUARY 19, SUNDAY
WINTER STORM WARNING!!! Come on now, are you not pissing your pants in delightful anticipation? We could get upwards of 50 cm of snow in the next 48 hours. That’s a significant amount for these parts. Yeah Maaaaan!!! Southern Alberta’s Ski Wankers are wanking it hard tonight!
FEBRUARY 20, MONDAY
Note to self: Do not go skiing on weekends or stat holidays! On Friday we wheeled into Castle Mountain to a half empty parking lot, a little after 10 am. Today, we arrived at roughly the same time and there was barely a spot left. Not long after, the Overflow Parking filled up as well. Why was I surprised by this? After all, everyone was very aware of the incoming WINTER STORM and it’s corresponding dump of precipitation. Oh, and today IS Family Day Monday during Reading Week. And don’t ever discount the Ski Wankers who wanked it HARD last night – the Powder Gods always have a soft spot for Ski Wankers wanking it! Yes, The Hill was very, very BUSY!!!
The skiing itself though was marvellous! Because I have not skied for so long, each day we go out I experience something new. Today, as we skied I had the sensation of floating along, and over, soft, fluffy flour. Does that make any sense? It does if you are a ski wanker! Brilliant, incredible, amazing, awesome, etc… Why in fucking Hell was I NOT doing this for the last 30 years? Seriously, what a Knobhead!!!
Tonight as I write, darkness has settled in for the long haul of a winter night in Canada, and for the first time in a long time, it actually feels like Winter. I’m happy! It’s snowing out and in the Winter, it should be snowing out, and it bloody well should feel like Winter. Tonight it does!
FEBRUARY 21, TUESDAY
Finally eh? The Snow Gods have delivered! You probably won’t believe this but I was awake quite early this morning, waiting for the moment I could get out and start pushing snow. Does that make me weird? Don’t answer that please!
It is however quite cold today with windchills dipping into the mid -30’s. That’s still better than the -42 we saw right before Christmas and I will take this deep freeze over the Category 2 Hurricane Force winds we sometimes get at this time of year.
FEBRUARY 22, WEDNESDAY
Tonight we are getting wind chill values near -40 and an EXTREME COLD WARNING has been issued for our region! Right on eh!?! Looks like a sweater may be required, shall it be Pendleton or Old Navy? Ummm… going with Columbia on this one!! Messed you up, didn’t I? Of course I have a Columbia sweater, they are amazing and we all know that Mart likes his wool.
Update on those 3rd Generation Apple AirPods – they fucking ROCK and are doing an admirable job of blowing out my ear drums.
FEBRUARY 23, THURSDAY
With the wind it’s -38 “out there,” which means for the most part that I am staying “in here.” That’s not the worst thing, is it? I am all for outdoor recreation and adventure but maybe for when it’s a bit balmier. The EXTREME COLD WARNING issued to our region is still in place.
This came up today as Snow Days Memories on my phone. It’s not snow though, is it? No, what we are looking at here is gypsum crystals (sand) at White Sands National Park in New Mexico. It’s sand that stays cool to the touch so you can happily romp about in your bare feet. Way off in the distance is the White Sands Missile Range. If you are wondering, the Worlds first atomic bomb was detonated out there as a test on July 16th, 1945. We loved bopping around in the sand that day last September but it was God awful hot (unlike today) so we kept our adventures near cold water and an air conditioned van!
We saw a lot of cool places like that while #vanlifing but let’s not be calling it that, all right? This isn’t some Gen Z photo Op bullshit! Anyway, where was I? Oh right, road trips, yeah… we are definitely going somewhere this Summer. When? good question, don’t know. Where? Ummmm…. yeah, don’t know that either. Until you start taking these trips, it’s very hard to comprehend just how unbelievably HUGE our continent is. Point A to Point B always seems to be 7 hours plus! Plans are ever-evolving but right now all I have come up with are multiple options and rough itineraries – that’s right, I’ve got Jack Shit!!!
Thursday night now and I am like really busy, blogging away and drinking a blackberry bubly while doing everything I possibly can to convince myself that having a 1,000 calorie snack an hour after dinner is NOT OKAY! I can’t say that I am thrilled with all this food denial – I need my Ranch Doritos and BBQ’s!
How many of you reading this are living your life and doing what you truly believe to be your calling? You are? Good for you but I’m not sure I believe you, because it’s just so fucking hard, isn’t it? You want to be a chef but the money sucks, you want to play professional basketball but you suck, you have dreams of being a runway model but you’re fat and ugly, it goes on and on, right? Yeah well, guess what? I’m there kids, I am doing exactly what it is in life I am best at, and as an added bonus, I absolutely love it! I know eh? Holy Shit!!! What am I doing? NOTHING, and I am really fucking good at it too! I am world class, superstar, future Hall of Fame, living legend, doer of NOTHING!!!
I know, pretty awesome eh? It dawned on me while sitting on the couch in the dark last night rockin’ it with my AirPods (it’s the snoring head start thing) and of course listening to… DOKKEN (80’s metal)… and I thought about how I used to listen to this shit deep into the night and then skip class the next day because I was like way too tired to get up go. I know, appalling, and I would get all stressed about this, drink like 50 beers and rock out some more and yeah, sleep in again! Vicious cycle, right? Fuuuuck Yeeeeaaah it was, and in the end where did it get me? Nowhere, because I was living a life on other people’s terms, doing shit I didn’t want to do. I wanted to do NOTHING! And now, I do NOTHING for a living!!!
Because let’s be honest here, I have NO skills, at least in anything remotely constructive. At one time I thought maybe I was a reincarnation of a 18th Century aristocrat – don’t laugh! What did they do? Well, besides eating and drinking to excess, indulging in sport and walking about with a head full of useless information, they contributed a whole lot of fuck all! Tell me that isn’t me!!!
FEBRUARY 24, FRIDAY
Well, yet again our infamous Chinook has returned to screw up what would have been an otherwise glorious Winter day! I once read somewhere that we Southern Albertans welcome these warming winds but let me tell you, whoever wrote that was not from these parts and was or is a fucking idiot!
It’s Friday and we ski on Fridays but this Friday we are not skiing and the reason we are not skiing is the wind! Not happy about this, like REALLY NOT happy!!!
The skis are staying in bed!
So now what? Well, right now I am watching all the snow from my yard being deposited in my driveway and in front of my garage. It’s actually incredible to see how so much snow can be moved around by the wind in so short a time. Hey, maybe I can plow tomorrow but then again, probably not. By morning I anticipate that most of the snow currently residing here at the Abbey to be in transit somewhere East of Pincher Creek. As far as the skiing goes, maybe we try again Monday!
Tough life eh? I know, but Max baked cookies so you know, I may eat a dozen or so to feel better. I read somewhere that chocolate chip cookies are an excellent salve for upset Gen X’ers with no discernible life skills while they wait for the evening’s hockey games to start!
Stay Heavy my peoples and have a great weekend!!