THE GRUMPY CHRONICLES – Anthony edition

Our winged chariot of destiny can’t actually fly and it’s wings are present only in our imagination; well, my imagination anyway because I’ll admit it, I am weird. But seriously, this chariot is pretty special, so special in fact that we gave it a name – Anthony!  

This is Anthony, a 2018Mercedes Benz Sprinter van outfitted by Roadtrek  as an Advenurous CS. Anthony is rather posh and sophisticated.

Why Anthony? It is more common to give boats, planes and vehicles a female name but this van ain’t no chick. When I see this van, I see Cary Grant. 

This is a gentleman!

  As it is, the van is named after Anthony Bourdain who it may be argued was never Cary Grant but certainly a gentleman in his own way. It was he who inspired millions of intrepid travelers to step just a little outside their comfort zone and into the bubbling sea of humanity, to embrace all its quirks and imperfections. So I figured, the van looks like Cary Grant and behaves in a upper class manner but possesses a certain curiosity regarding the human condition, just like our world traveler and storyteller, Anthony Bourdain. 

Anthony is home now, taking up permanent residence at Hurricane Abbey while awaiting further adventures afield. He’s already expressed a diva-like attitude by not allowing me to Bluetooth my phone to his stereo system but we have ways to circumvent his petulance so like it or not, there will be Iron Maiden in the cockpit. Well, maybe not too much as Lady Hurricane is no fan of the Mighty Maiden Metal Machine. I’ve also managed to mark my territory on Anthony in the short time we have had him, spilling my coffee on the floor while getting in the door. Groans of disgust could be heard by Lady Hurricane, Bodhi and of course our winged chariot. Hey, me spilling coffee on you is a show of great affection in my world and I am proud to announce that when we stopped at Fatburger in Red Deer I managed to hammer back a double kingburger (you need to eat this burger, seriously) without getting any of the contents on either me or the floor. Besides, Bodhi has no room to talk, he sharted on the passenger seat while sharing the cockpit with me. Oh my God, the heathens are running wild!

But the question remains as to why we would get this van and why now. My answer to both queries is “why not?” Covid isn’t going anywhere, is it? Air travel is nowhere near as convenient as it once was and I don’t see that changing for the foreseeable future. And then there’s Bodhi Boy; this little dog has become engrained in our world, like dogs always do. Leaving him to go on our various jaunts is frankly not all that appealing to either of us so why not go somewhere that can accommodate him as well as us. And besides, we live in a country of unlimited variation and outstanding beauty, why not go see it while we can and see it in style? If the land border to the United States doesn’t open up next year, who cares? Lets traverse the tundra all the way to the Arctic Ocean under the midnight sun. Maybe we hit Liard Hot Springs on our way to see the land of the Klondike, Dawson City. Or maybe we venture off to Canada’s Dead Sea in Saskatchewan, Lake Manitou. If the land border to the South opens, there’s Yosemite, the Redwoods, Monument Valley, Route 66 or the Oregon Coast. 

So yeah, why not? Unfortunately for this year, time is running short. We would like to take Anthony out for at least one test run before the snow flies. Anthony is a bit sensitive and is no fan of our Canadian winter so will have to hibernate during the big chill to come but maybe there’s an opportunity before then. Who knows? Come Spring though, the Lord and Lady of the Manor accompanied by the Viscount of Vim Bodhi Boy, will take Anthony out into the great expanse that is our wonderful country for untold adventure and maybe a small taste of Canadiana. Now if I can only figure out this fucking Bluetooth!

Happy Trails!