“You are going to die!”
It’s what my father said to me after borrowing my pick up truck to go down to the hardware store. I was young, no more than twenty four years old and home visiting on a university break. Imminent mortality was not something I was in the least bit concerned about and why would I? I was young, in optimal physical condition and in my mind at least, invincible. I am going to die? Yeah sure, whatever! Maybe sometime in the very distant future, but not here and certainly not now. In his defence, there was ample reason for concern. Inside the cab there was Copenhagen dipping snuff, Levi Garrett chewing tobacco, Sportsman plug chewing tobacco, Marlboro cigarettes, Swisher Sweets cigars and some sort of custom blend of pipe tobacco. In case you were wondering, that’s six different types of tobacco, six different ways to ingest nicotine and yes, I was actively engaging in all six ways. I am not kidding! Looking back, that’s insane! It’s a wonder I had time to do anything else in a day. If sniffing snuff and a hookah pipe were available, who’s kidding who, I would have used those too. You might derive from all this that I love tobacco. You wouldn’t be wrong. I do love it and I am quitting it, all of it!
Human beings have been using some form of tobacco for upwards of 3,000 years. Smoke it, chew it, snort it – it doesn’t matter, just give it to me baby! And why? Because tobacco has nicotine and we NEED nicotine!!! Nicotine is the stimulant that is naturally produced in tobacco and is highly addictive. Once you start you can kiss your ass goodbye, it owns you now bitch! That being said, nicotine itself isn’t particularly harmful and in fact it has been shown to have significant beneficial effects on fine motor abilities, attention to detail and short-term memory. If nicotine was all we had to worry about with tobacco, we could chew and smoke our faces off all day long with little worry. But the same cannot be said for the other stuff they put into commercial tobacco products. That shit is bad and definitely will kill you and there is plenty of it in a can of Copenhagen or a pack of Players. When you stop to consider, the whole thing is rather evil, they (meaning the tobacco companies) suck you in with the nicotine and kill you with the toxic stuff. Kill you it will, make no mistake about it but it may take a while.
For me, I have been using dipping tobacco (mostly Copenhagen) for somewhere around 35 years and smoking for almost that long. Ball players dipped and chewed so I dipped and chewed as soon as I could get my hands on it. We may have gotten ill on occasion but you adjust, to the point that it becomes the very first thing you do when getting out of bed in the morning, even before the first coffee. Smoking on the other hand was something fun to do while drinking but we all know how that goes – first it’s only when drinking, then when you are hung over, which for me was rather often, and then it becomes a few a day and so on and so on. I also liked to have a smoke after a hockey game while drinking beer (yes there was a time when you could smoke in a dressing room) – Export A green pack – you know, Green Death? What a fucking picture of health eh?
Strangely enough, I have had tobacco products affect me very little with regards to health, as of now. But for how long? It’s like playing Russian roulette, sooner or later it’s going to get you. And lets also be honest, I ain’t getting any younger. By stopping now, I will have taken more out of tobacco than it has taken from me therefore I win! Yeah, that’s right, I win and tobacco you lose – suck it! Oh, and what about the economic savings? Massive!!! I will save thousands of dollars a year. Okay, lets fucking do this!!!
But how? Champix, that’s how! Let’s get real, I wouldn’t last two hours going “cold turkey”. What about the patch? Useless!!! Nicorette gum? The same – useless. In the past, nothing worked. Champix however is different. Champix works by blocking the receptors that create the cravings. No cravings and half the battle is won. The other half of the battle is breaking the triggers and little habits that go along with the cravings. Not easy, let me tell you! You are taking the pills, have no craving at all but at this particular time of the day (say after lunch) you usually smoke so you light one up, even though you don’t want to and have no craving to do so, all the while wondering – what the fuck am I doing? You have to say – enough!
Is it working? So far it most certainly is! I have racked up a few days now of being tobacco free. There is lots of talk about nightmares and shit like that when you are taking the medication but no, there has been nothing unusual in regards to side effects. No cravings, no freak outs, no nothing! I am however eating a lot of candy!
PROHIBIDO FUMAR!!! Hell yeah!!!!