MINUSES AND AN OCCASIONAL PLUS

Has this ever happened to you where you meet up with a friend or acquaintance for the first time in what seems like ages and after departing you think – wow, did he / she ever get old? Now on the flip side, has it ever occurred to you that maybe they are thinking the same thing? Wait, what? Me? Old? Get out of here! I am looking goooood lol because in my mind I have never aged and am as fabulous as ever, thank you very much! Now we can debate how fabulous I may or may not be and a very strong argument can be presented on the NOT side but that isn’t the point. How good one does or doesn’t look is subjective. The opinion that counts most is yours; I would argue that in the end your opinion is the only one that counts and if you are feeling good about yourself and are happy, well the rest of the world can pucker up and kiss your fabulous ass!!!! 

So what brings on this particular discussion? Because, I found an old picture of me at 21 and I was actually thrown a bit by it. Holy shit, I had hair, lots of it too, and it was brown with gentle waves sweeping down past my shoulders. No, it was not a mullet!!!! The proper term is hockey hair okay? Some dickhead came up with the term mullet in the 90’s; I reserve the right to forever hate that person but I am not going to deny that it wasn’t the most flattering of looks. Regardless of any particular style, I do miss my hair just a little bit.

The picture got me thinking though, that there must be other things no longer available for my enjoyment or consumption, or maybe even something that I just miss. Indeed there are and no Mr / Mrs Smart Ass, I don’t actually miss my six pack so lets not go down that avenue, alright? I thought we had a proper understanding but apparently my pal Sixer did not feel the same about ice cream, barbecue chips and hamburgers. Fuck him!!! He can come back anytime but we have rules – burn that fat for me or get the Hell out of here!!! He chose the latter – whatever!

I do kind of miss headbanging! It’s not like I still can’t do it, right, but there are certain anatomical issues that are difficult to reconcile. Firstly, I have arthritis in my neck from a hockey injury so there is pain involved if you really get it cranking and Grumpymarty is not a fan of pain. Then there is the problem of dizziness – go longer than 20 seconds and everything goes fuzzy and you can’t tell up from down. Oh, and if you are doing dishes, be careful that the AirPods don’t fly into the dish water – that may have happened once and it wasn’t cool. Plus, headbanging is way more awesome with hair. It’s not like hair is needed, Ivan Moody (lead singer of Five Finger Death Punch) is bald and does quite well and metal Gods like Rob Halford and Udo Dirkschneider still smash it with little to no head salad but visually it is so much more authentic when that hair just fucking flies!!! That’s right, get on with your bad self!!!!

Now, I have found a way around the head banger hair issue – the buff. I never knew these things even existed before that C thing came into our lives and made face coverings normal but stick that sucker on the top of your head and BAM, instant hair. And hey, it is well known that body heat is lost through the top of the head so if it makes you feel any better, put that buff on your head in the name of hypothermia prevention. I have taken to sporting this look at work and can you believe it, there are those who have disapproved. I am okay with your mockery people because I am a Coal Mining Fashionisto. Mark my words, by this time next year everyone will be sporting the buff accessory atop their noggin. Grumpymarty is leading the pack, setting the trend  – look bad ass, be you!

I hate loss. Losing hurts and Grumpymarty has always been a poor loser. Fact is though that loss is part of living and as we get older, life becomes more and more defined by loss and how we adapt and even accommodate it. After you hit a certain age, life seems to take away more from you than it gives back. The pandemic we are going through certainly highlights what I speak of, doesn’t it? Deal with it people, that’s how it is. You lose friends, family, pets and yeah, in some instances your hair. We get on with it though because we have to. It’s not all bad either. We have just gone through a shit show of global proportions and we are still here, aren’t we? And guess what? Spring is here. No seriously, it is. When the geese show up at the Abbey, Spring isn’t too far behind. They showed up here last week. I like geese!