June 19, Calgary, Alberta
I guess that you could say that this is the first day of the rest of my life, right? But no, I am not going to say that, I am just too damn tired. It was a very emotional day for me today as many of you know, and emotionally I am still trying to keep everything together.
We are staying at Wingate by Wyndham out by the airport. So, this place is not exactly a shithole but it’s not the Dorchester either. It does however allow us to leave our car in a safe location as well as providing a shuttle to YYC. We are getting up at 2:50 am so our normal practice of just driving up in the morning and leaving the car at Park and Go won’t work.
JUNE 20
Calgary, Alberta
Yup, awake at 2:50, except earlier because I was too excited to sleep, it’s 10 C outside. Oh yeah, it’s going to be a LONG day but I am not too worried, I’ll catch some zzzz’s along the way. Time to get our shit together and get going. The elevator worked to get us to ground floor which is always positive but the side door of the shuttle didn’t and we had to climb in through the back. I know, hard to believe they would treat a World famous writer like that. Indignities aside, we made it to the airport by 3:30 which was just in time to get in the back of a massive line waiting to get through Security, which yeah, opened at 4 am. Fucking lines!!!
We made it through in relatively good order, treated ourselves to a hearty breakfast of Eggs Benedict at the Belgian Beer Cafe and by 6:10 we were boarding. A bit of confusion set in as we were boarding because yes, I broke my surgical mask (completely unintentional I might add). We are in a Canadian airport where masks are mandatory but on an American plane, going to that’s right, America. Could we get a ruling here please? Oh well, no matter, I’d say the plane is about 50/50 on who’s actually wearing one. I guess I’ll just be a rebel! Soon we will be in U.S. airspace and nobody will give a shit, I don’t think anyone does now.
Minneapolis / St Paul
After a 2 hour and 16 minute flight, we are here for a 3 hour layover. It’s already 81 F here and it’s still early. Oh, and there is no free wifi in the airport today, apparently they have some sort of issue. Well that’s just great, isn’t it? I never bothered to change my phone plan to include the USA so now I am restricted – I don’t really care to be restricted!!! Then there was the coffee – I had to wait 15 minutes!!! Seriously, it’s a fucking coffee, for $8 and not even very good. We may have had a minor flip out here and yes, Lady Hurricane had to jump in line and wait because I wasn’t going to. It’s rather obvious that this retirement thing has not sunk in yet and I am way too uptight.
So, who likes to people watch? Yes, I know, me too. People are such funny creatures, especially when they are not trying to be funny. They walk and move in ways that aren’t always ergonomically correct, dress ranges from sharp and classy to Oh My Fucking God, and I’d say that right now here at the airport we are running at about 85% of our fellow travellers falling into the “Uncool” department. Where do I fit in? Seriously, you are asking this? Want an example of cool? Okay, as we wait I spot him, he’s in his late 60’s, striding down the line, confident and aware, Panama hat, shorts, flip flops and a calf tattoo of I am not sure what but well done, a light coat and wait for it, an umbrella!!!!! Yesssssssss!!!!!!! He’s owning this shit!
On the flight to Cincinnati from here, I notice a few things, because you know, that’s what I do. Firstly, it’s a tight fit on this bird and it stinks in here (no honestly, this time it isn’t me). Secondly, I am kind of hungry again and the biscuits they provide on the plane don’t cut it. Finally there is a a woman a few rows up wearing a cloth mask and to be doubly safe, a KN 95 on top. Personally, I think she’s doubly fucking stupid but hey, that’s just me.
Cincinnati, Ohio
9:36 PM, 76 F (24 C)
We are at the Courtyard Marriot Cincinnati Downtown and this my friends is a very cool old building. It’s also known as the Ingalls Building, erected in 1903 and is the city’s first high rise. Tonight, after a sub-par, overly-expensive seafood dinner, we did a recon walk near the hotel, had some ice cream (more on this later), realized that a lot of people are smoking dope on the streets, even though it’s illegal, and oh yeah, this is FUCKING AWESOME! It’s fair to say that though long, the day was amazing!
JUNE 21, TUESDAY
We slept in this morning. Our body clocks are still on Mountain Time (2 hours behind) and let’s face it, we are Goddamn tired. First order of business, that’s right, check out the hat store. In this case it’s Batsake’s Hat Shop and of course I walked out with a new Panama that I paid way too much for. The owners did place a nice feather in it for me though.
After lunch, we decided to go for a little stroll around downtown prior to getting ready for the baseball game. while out and about and waiting for a light to change, a grown woman strode up and stood beside us, now wait for it, in flannel pyjamas while sucking on a baby pacifier. No, seriously, and oh, did I mention it’s HOT, like 35 C kind of HOT! Soooo, anyway, this chick really had the freak flag flying! Remember us talking about cool? Yeah, no, this is NOT cool! Disturbing maybe, cool definitely not!
From our hotel it’s a 10 minute walk to The Great American Ballpark. Outside the stadium, a wing nut in a camo hat and Jesus t shirt shouts the Word Of The Lord and we sinners patently ignore him. A saxophonist plays Take Me Out to The Ballgame to the gathering throngs of sports fans while Batman, and yes I am pretty sure its really him, bangs out his own set of tunes on the drums, which are not really drums but white True Value pails. It sounds good to me but I wonder how he’s holding up in this heat. Maybe his Batman suit has built in A/C; you never know, he’s fucking Batman!
The Dodgers won tonight, 8-2, because we are a fully operational Death Star and the Cincinnati Reds totally suck! Listen, it’s Karma. We went to the game a full hour and a half early to watch batting practice, except unlike every other ballpark we’ve been to, the doors remained closed. What in fuck is going on? Well, I guess the Reds like the idea of patrons dropping extra coin to get in early for BP. That is bullshit, so good on you for getting your asses kicked. And just for the fun of it, fuck you Peloton! Anyway, the game ended at 10 pm and the temperature inside the ballpark was still 84 F.
JUNE 22, WEDNESDAY
This morning we did a food tour of Cincinnati, with a little history of the city thrown in. This isn’t something we have done while visiting previous cities and after today, I am not sure why not. It took 3 hours and we wandered about, talking about the architecture of the city, fun facts and sampling food, and it was good food too. My favourite? The cheese coney from Skyline Chili. It’s a regular hotdog covered in chili and topped with cheese with a sprinkle of the house hot sauce. This isn’t the chili you are expecting, it’s not SouthWest jalapeño, flame shooting out of your ass stuff. It’s Greek, more of a ragu sauce, and it is traditionally eaten over a plate of pasta topped off with shredded cheese.
In the afternoon we ventured further out, making our way to Findlay Market, an open air market in existence since 1852 (in case you are just figuring this out, Cincy has been around for a long time). Ice cream was eaten when we got here, because listen, it’s 37 C and feels like 44 C (that’s 111 F).
Did I mention the pot? I did, yes, and well, a lot of this skunk shit gets smoked on the street. There is a considerable police presence too but the boys in blue just look the other way, because, with all the other crazy stuff going on, leaving the dude smoking a fatty on the street is probably a wise use of scarce resources.
According to Max’s watch, we did something like 19,000 steps today. Is that a lot? I think it is, and it was 37 C, feels like 44 C, I think I mentioned that right?
In case you were wondering, we did see where WKRP was located – it’s the Old Cincinnati Enquirer building, now home to two boutique hotels. We also saw where Jennifer lived. Now if you have to ask who Jennifer is, well… come on…. YOU DON’T KNOW?
To end the evening, we hit Graeter’s Ice Cream for I don’t know, the 20th time maybe (slightly exaggerated) because this is the most amazing ice cream on the planet, and watch the Reggae Night at Fountain Square. It was pretty cool and is as you imagined, a strong smell of weed, plenty of Heineken out of the can, great tunes and a lot of big dudes getting on with their bad selves. All of a sudden, through the midst of all this, a shining beacon of light – a little white gay dude in his sharp blue suit, who more than likely took a wrong turn, wound his way through the throngs of bouncing bodies, careful not to dirty his shoes while making his way to wherever it is that little white gay dude’s go. Remember what I said about cool? Right there kids, THAT is cool! Do you think he cares what others think? You could tell he owns his shit, and if you don’t like it, or don’t accept it, you can kiss his ass. He’s living his life on his terms – COOL!!!
JUNE 23, THURSDAY
Our last full day in the city and it’s almost Arctic out here (31 C, or 87 F). The entire ball game today was played in full sun and this old boy damn near melted. I did survive though, to see the Dodgers smash the Reds, AGAIN, this time 10-5.
This life of a Gentleman Sportsman can be difficult at times and all this baseball in the heat and ice cream has totally wiped me out. I need a nap before going out for Mexican.
Bedtime comes fast, we need to get up in a few hours.
JUNE 24, FRIDAY
Cincinnati, Ohio
The alarm went off at 2:20 am Eastern Time, that’s 12:20 Mountain Time or our home time zone. And here I thought I was done with nights. By 3:30 am we were Uber’d into the Cincinnati / Northern Kentucky International Airport. Other than a half hour wait for a mocha grande and a latte grande (Starbucks is fucking ridiculous), all went smooth and we took off on time, 6 am. This brought us into Minneapolis a bit early which isn’t really that great when the scheduled layover is already for 5 hours. All this bad eating, actually overeating, is giving me heartburn but I am thinking some pancakes and eggs might help. What?!?
Minneapolis / St Paul, Minnesota
It’s still early here when we land, but as usual the freaks are out. I LOVE IT, well, most of it. We have a big boy smashing a large pepperoni pizza, the usual dickheads with too much carry on (note – I fucking hate you), a few double mask morons, and way too many people talking way too loud on their phones (newsflash – I don’t give two shits about your life so shut the fuck up, you are messing with my airport ZEN).
It’s pretty bad right now with all the flights being cancelled. Some of these people are getting shafted hard by the airlines who just on a whim cancel a flight and oh, you were on it? Too bad, so sad! I am actually quite surprised at the civility being displayed before me because it is heartbreaking to watch.
Burmis, Alberta
By 6 pm we are home. It’s cold, it’s wet and it’s rainy. My grass looks like something out of the African Savanna and I expect at anytime that a Cape buffalo will boil out and smash me to smithereens. I guess tomorrow I should cut grass, eh?
JUNE 25, SATURDAY
It hit 18 C today which is not exactly Cincinnati blast furnace hot but hey, great for working in the yard which is a bit overgrown, shall we say.
I am home, and although I am tired, I might even be happy. Yes, I do think I am.